So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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