Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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