My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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