their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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