Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize