The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize