glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize