you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize