You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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