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Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
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