im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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