Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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