she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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