my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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