I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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