Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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