i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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