He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize