All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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