You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize