I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
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His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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