He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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