Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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