Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize