you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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