He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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