Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
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Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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