We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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