So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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