The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize