oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize