Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
two words...techno handjob
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I did not marry a roomba.
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