So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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