I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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