i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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