My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize