I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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