Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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