he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
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Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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