Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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