do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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