Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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