will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize