i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize