He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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