Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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