end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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