FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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