well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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