You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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